Style Invitational Week 1017: Buy a vowel -- ONE vowel

MO. POLS GOOF OFF, OPT TO FORGO WORK FBI PINCH! MITT IN ILLICIT 'BIG DIG' GRIFT! Proto-Loser Elden Carnahan -- who maintains a Web site, nrars.org, that keeps track of every blot of ink ever scored by any person in the 20-year history of the Style Invitational -- is on the cusp of entrance into the Invite Hall of Fame, with 492 entries and other mentions since he debuted in Week 20, in 1993. Elden gets his 493rd ink with his contest idea this week: Write a "univocalic" newspaper headline -- one ...